This is it my friends.
This is the end of an era.
i’ve recently been thinking how exposed we are to everyone. we live in a generation where people are literally one click away from the next persons life. it’s sickening really, to think that social media has such a hold on all of us. Whether it is our friendships, or relationships, we are slowly destroying the idea of real communication and more importantly, love. We leave ourselves so vulnerable to everything, and sometimes that bites us in the ass.
These past few months have been nothing short of a roller coaster. If you know me at all, you know what i’m talking about. For those who don’t, let me fill you in.
I started questioning everything. And i mean, E V E R Y T H I N G. I’m what some would call an “over thinker”. I was recently seeing, or whatever you wanna call it, this guy. He is a great guy and i know he has a good heart, but right now just isn’t the time for us. We are both finding our ways and figuring shit out. For awhile, i was driving myself crazy, and even him. I was questioning why did i always feel so nonchalant about him or why he didn’t have time for me. I kept asking myself, “do i even really like him, or do i just like the idea of him?” I know what you’re thinking and i was thinking the same. I started thinking i was just a awful person for even putting effort into someone who i didn’t even know wanted me or if i wanted them. But then one day, things sorta took a turn and we decided, using fewer words, that we just needed to be friends and have some space; and if things were to work out, then we’d eventually find our way. After that conversation, i felt so heartbroken. Here’s this guy, who i’m pretty positive is into me, and i’m just putting all these stupid scenarios in the equation because i don’t know how to turn my mind off. I won’t sit here and say “i’m over it”, because well, i’m not. I hope the universe knows what its doing, because i’d like to see his smile again…preferably me being the reason. I’m a firm believer that people will always find their way back.
I will say though, right now i feel at peace with a lot of things. I used to feel so anxious all the time and be continuously wondering if anyone even gave a fuck about me. I wasn’t sure what i wanted to do next in life, or if the career path i’m on is what i truly want. It really blew my mind though. I never was one to care about what others thought of me or if what i was doing was okay in other’s eyes. I think it’s just we are so configured to post about our daily lives via social media, that you kinda forget who you are.
I think that is the beautiful, overwhelming disaster of what makes life so interesting. i could sit here and tell you all, “yeah things are great”, but i know they aren’t. I get sad. I made some choices lately, and lost some friends. Sure, there are people out there who have it far, far worse than myself. But that doesn’t mean the pain i feel isn’t real. The sadness i feel isn’t worth talking to someone about. I’m learning to embrace all the emotions. i’m learning what my truth really is. People are so fixed on hiding what makes them upset, or makes them uncomfortable because they don’t want to let anyone in with the risk of being hurt. I mean, for god’s sake, what is life without a little risk?! Let people in. Let people love you. Let the emotion take you over so much that you can’t help but cry it out. Because after its all said and done, you will be able to understand yourself more than you ever thought.
I was talking with Melody (my roommate) the other night about how everyone i know is just trying to survive. Or for better understanding, everyone is literally just trying to get their shit together. It’s hard, and i’ll tell you that first hand.
I look at the guy i like and hope he finds his way.
I look at my friend who is in a dark place, and hope she finds her way.
I look at myself in the mirror, and i hope i find my way.
WE are all just trying to get through each day; all while hoping the next gets a little easier. We are all trying to find our way. We are all trying to survive. So do me this favor, since you’ve gotten this far reading this post: give someone a hug, or shit, give someone a high five. You never know what battles people are faces, but knowing someone gives a shit, well, that makes all the difference.
You’re probably wondering why i wrote in the beginning “this is the end of an era”. Well my friends, i will be stepping away from the writing world. I love writing. I started BrookeTydings.com a little over a year ago and you all have done nothing but support and love me. I remember telling my friends how nervous i was to post “only the good die young”. I was so scared you all would hate my writing. I was so scared to let you all in my head. Now, i couldn’t imagine it any other way. You listened to my heartbreak. You listened to my transition from a small town girl to a downtown girl. You listened to me. I could never thank you enough for all the love and good vibes you send my way. I don’t know if this will be forever, but i need to focus on me. I need to “get my shit together”.
I named this post “Final Song”, because if you haven’t caught on already, each blog post is named after a song; with the exception of a few. Each song has a major role in the blog post itself.
This is the final song.
I hope to have other publications for you all to read, so if you have me on any form of social media, be on the lookout.
I will miss you all.
but for now,
Adios. Auf Wiedersehen. Ciao. Goodbye.
Until we meet again.
with SO much love — Brooke Tydings