so if you have me on any social media site, you know that i have deleted facebook, instagram and my all time fave, snapchat. yes, i know what you’re thinking… “what ever will we do without Brooke’s hilarious rap renditions and adorable dog selfies?” 

well, just know i’ll be back.

 I’ll be writing an article about millennials and our constant need for gratification through these sites. our constant need to be connected to the depths of others lives. people who do not actually have a say of what happens in our day to day lives, but people we are convincing we are happy. i was going to go into detail but you’ll just have to wait and see. 

lately, i haven’t been myself. i’ve been sad. for those of you that know me, i’m not a sad person. dont get me wrong, life recently definitely has had its good moments. unfortunately, the sad have been out-weighing the happy. 

i’m calling this my quarter-life crisis. i know, i know, everyone gets sad and everyone feels lost. But what i’m doing here is saying how sometimes life gives us a deck and we have a hard time dealing with whatever we are dealt. i mean sure, i love a very blissful life and i know there are people out there who have it far, far worse than me. For right now though, i need to feel sad. i need to feel uncomfortable. i mean, how else are we suppose to grow if we don’t get a little uncomfortable every now and then. 

i think of the positive things that i’ve encountered these last few weeks. i got up the courage to give back the final items to an old lover. the feeling of walking away with zero attachments to them was indescribable. my friend sam and i had to go out and celebrate this new found happiness. it’s kinda like the old idea of how if you don’t let go of what is weighing you down, then you are literally carrying around baggage that no one is going to want to deal with. i was tired of looking at all the stuff he had left behind and just said, “fuck it”. i thought he’d be in my life forever, even if it was just as friends. We just aren’t who we once were though. 

& You know the saying, “there’s no use crying over spilled perfume.” 

i’ve also met a few new people have definitely came and shook up my world. for instance, there’s this guy. He has the total bad boy reputation, and boy i couldn’t resist getting to know him. the more i spend time with him and get to know him, the more i realize that we really only show people parts of us we want them to see. i think under all the tough exterior, he’s a good guy with a good heart. he reminds me a lot of myself and i think that’s what makes my friendship with him pretty important. it’s nice meeting someone who you don’t have to pretend to be someone else. when i met him, i didn’t filter myself. i was the raw-uncensored Brooke that most of you have grown to love. And i’m pretty sure he thinks i’m pretty cool. which, ya know, is cool. 

i feel like being this age sucks sometimes. i mean, these are the moments that are going to define which career path to go or where i’ll end up living within the next year. i think to myself daily, more so lately hourly, if i’m doing the right thing. Am i good enough for this job? Am i going to make it? i know i can do anything i set my mind to, but sometimes, the man just gets you down. i was driving home the other night and just started crying my eyes out. i think the song on the radio struck a nerve but that isn’t me to crumble so far and fast. 

i haven’t written a blog post recently because i didn’t know how to word these feelings of self-doubt and sadness. i know these feeling will all surpass. i know one day i’ll look back on these last few weeks and think, “damn girl, if you only knew the exciting things that lie ahead”. i don’t want anyone getting weirded out because i’m saying i’m sad. i think people should be sad from time to time. We can only build ourselves up if we know how far we’ve fallen. 

within due time, i’ll figure it out. 

until next time my friends,

xx b