Twenty. Sixteen.

What. A. Year.

I, among many others, are overjoyed with the fact that this year is over.

I never thought i’d say this, but i’m really thankful for 2016. It was a very rough, tiring year, but as many things went wrong, just as many things went right.

Sure, i had my heart broken and felt that the world was ending. The world didn’t end, just the world i shared with him. I was in a state of mind where i didn’t think love was enough. I felt i wasn’t enough. What i didn’t realize was that universe gives you different kinds of love throughout your time, and even though he left, the love i felt from my family and friends made up for it so much more. So thank you, he-who-shall-not-be-named, for the release of your love; because without that, i wouldn’t of had remembered how to love myself.

What i gained though, was a life that i wouldn’t dream i would have. I met some people who helped heal my soul, which i will forever be grateful for. i know i say this often throughout my blog postings, but people should be reminded they are important to you. They should know you love them just as much as they love you. These people made sure that on my birthday, i didn’t feel alone. They made sure that anytime i would need a ear, they were able to listen. They were there when i wasn’t ready to face the fact that i really needed to move forward. They were there for all the tears and sad nights, turning them into nights filled with so much love. I truly believe the universe gave me the best set of humans to live life with. Seriously, there are some days that i don’t think i would’ve made it through if i didn’t have their jokes or a simple hug. Recently i met up with an old friend who i hadn’t spoke to in years, and something about being with her and at one of my favorite home-town restaurants, i realized that this was growing up. We both have so many dreams and things we are doing in life, and although we didn’t take the same path, we still sat at the table and everything just felt right. I always tell people that if my dreams aren’t scaring me, then they aren’t big enough. Sky’s the limit.

In 2016, i learned a lot about myself. i learned that as stubborn as i am, it is okay to ask for help. i always felt that meant you were weak. that you weren’t strong enough to deal with your own shit. on the contrary, speaking up about your problems helps you figure them out faster and sometimes saying them out-loud makes them more of a reality. I learned that even if you’ve feel like you have hit rock bottom, you CAN bring yourself back up to the surface. I was re-reading some harry potter not too long ago, and started to think about the phoenix. It burns out then rises from the ashes. So generic, yet so poetic. I realized, I am a fucking phoenix. i will rise and fall and rise again. Although some days i am my own worst enemy, i am also my number one fan. I’ve also learned that i will never settle for anything less than the magic i deserve. And neither should any of you reading this. I was that girl who thought her world was comfortable. I told myself i was okay with being a second priority to someone i constantly put above anyone else. That’s the moment you realize, things are about to get shaky and rough. I didn’t know how they would end up, but my god i’m thankful they did they way they did.

I am enough. I’m worth fighting for. And someone some day will prove that.

People often ask the ever so loved “so are you dating again”…And well, i’ll leave you with this.. I’m having fun. No i don’t mean i’m sleeping around or hooking up with random strangers at bars, because well my mother and father did not raise me that way. I’m having fun meaning i’m just enjoying the company of others. Sure, there are a few who have caught my attention, but for right now, loving myself is the priority. I’ll be serious with someone, when i’m ready, on my own terms. I don’t need anyone telling me how to live my life or that i’m living my life wrong. When i’m ready to love again, my heart will know. That’s all that really matters.

When you begin to love yourself, things really do fall into place.

As you read in my last post, i have officially moved out. Yes, sometimes it is hard and yes, i do love living downtown. Many have snide remarks of “oh, i couldn’t be around that many people” or “theres too much noise”. That is exactly what i love about living here. There is never a dull moment and being here makes me feel like i’m doing something right. I look around at unfamiliar faces and i’m always wondering what brought them here. How for some crazy reason, the universe brought them to downtown, just like me. I love the noise and the lights. Everything just feels so in place. I come home from work everyday and look out my window and wonder how a small-town girl like myself ended up here.

With part of leaving Saint cloud, i will be transferring job locations. I’ve been going to work everyday and really taking in my surroundings. Sure, all Publix’s smell the same. That sweet aroma of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies or the irresistible fried chicken fills the air. while all those things may be the same, the people aren’t. I was lucky enough to call store 1045 my home for three years. A manager of mine called it once “the paradise store”, because even to those who leave, they always find their way back one way or another. whether it’s just merely shopping for your groceries or being promoted to that store, there’s just something about that place that makes you feel like home. I grew up so much working at that store. I had went through many things and with the help of my coworkers, who then became my best friends. I met the boy i fell in love with at that store. I’ll never forget that smile and his “so you’re brooke huh?”. I shed many tears in that store and i shared just as many laughs. I usually have to train the new kids, and i always explain to them that this place is like a giant family. sure, people get under your skin but the moment someone tries to take advantage of one of you, the sassy side comes out. I can’t imagine not going to work everyday hearing Maks funny comments and sparkingly personality. Or having Sammy yell “oh miss trouble!” I’m extremely thankful for all those managers that have crossed paths with me. You’ve all made me into the associate i am today, and i promise wherever i go, i will make you proud. Store 1045 will always be my home.

I truly believe this part of my journey is going to be the most adventurous experience i have ever had. I hope you continue to follow my blog as i take it head on.

 

And so it goes, I found a sweet disaster, in a river of champagne~

Sweet disaster // The Dreamers