It’s been a busy couple of weeks in the life of Brooke Tydings.

Between trying to figure out apartment ordeals, the waiting game/arrival of my Niece Alessandra, and work changes, it all can definitely wear a girl out.  I’m sorry i haven’t written but i have a few new things for my blog up my sleeve. Thank you for following me in the mist of it all. 

E n j o y

For the past couple of days at work, everyone, and i mean literally everyone, has asked if i’ve became an aunt yet. This little princess is definitely a Tydings… stubborn as can be. I mean i’m not stubborn (joking) but she took her sweet time coming into the world. I remember sleeping with Valerie(Aunt Coco) out in the waiting room, what felt like the fucking arctic. Ali’s uncle nick was there too, but he had to leave for work.  It was so funny to wake up after our power naps and have Doctors and nurses greet you with a cheerful good morning when you’ve been awake for almost 24 hours. It was as awful as it sounds, but it was worth every minute. Every day i went to the hospital i would bring Sip n’ dip donuts to the over night nurses. I see just watching my sister how stressful each patient can be. Some sweets never did any harm.I noticed nurses are really underrated. People don’t realize the shit they have to go through and put up with. They are working 12 hours shifts to make sure YOUR family member is doing well. That’s something to be thankful for.  

Being in that delivery room brings me back to the memories of watching my god daughter, Kai, being born. God, she was the prettiest baby girl ever. Even now i’m so thankful her mom brought her into the world. She reminds me of the happy things in life on my bad days. Everything she laughs at is so pure and i know she knows i will always have her back. I remember Natasha, her mom, was being such a sassy pants while we were waiting for her to come into the world. I mean, i can’t blame her. She was about to push out a giant cannon ball. I remember the next day, holding Kai for the first time. She was crying and i picked her up from the bassinet, i was so nervous. When i looked into that little innocent face, i was forever hooked. She was the most perfect little human i had ever seen. She just turned three but she is already so smart, so brave. She has the biggest heart and has never met a stranger. Even if she does get me in trouble by giving her too many donuts after her mom said no more, i will always be her “Brookie”. Often I think of the person she will be. I know she’ll be smart and i know she’ll beautiful, and i hope she will have a good heart. I wish people spent more time with toddlers to see how they should react towards one another. I remember going to Natasha’s after Jeremy broke up with me, and i tried my hardest to not cry in front of Kai. I didn’t want her to see me upset. She saw my tears and ran to the bathroom and gave me one little square of toilet paper and then gave me a hug. I remember smiling because she didn’t know why i was sad or why Jeremy wasn’t there anymore, but she knew i just needed some love. All jokes aside, if people spent more time with kids or dogs, they would see the good in the world. I know you’re probably thinking, wow she just compared kids and dogs, but who else can you think of that makes you smile when you’re down on yourself or life is just being really hard on you?

Before i started writing this, i was curious as to who my niece will look like. Like my dad says, “as long as she comes out with two eyes, ears, one mouth and nose and five fingers and toes, i’m set.” I really hoped she had came out with a full head of hair, because let’s be real, my family has good hair genes. I hope this little one knows how big and loving and slightly crazy this family is. I’m extremely thankful to have had been able to grow up close to my siblings, my cousins and everyone in between. My ex-boyfriend would always joke with me that i’m always related to someone when we would go to a restaurant in our hometown. When i was younger, i used to think it was so annoying. I couldn’t even go out in public without looking like a slob. i could never get away with anything because i always felt watched or some sort. But now, i’m glad i had those people looking out for me. That’s what family does, they look out for one another. Not many people can say that they have family that would help them, no matter the situation. This little gem will be showered with so much love, it will be intoxicating.

She might have a few aunt’s and uncle’s that aren’t technically blood relatives, but that won’t matter. As long as they love her, that’s all that matters.  See that’s the cool thing about the term family. They don’t have to be blood to be your family. I mean i have an aunt that i have met maybe once or twice my whole life and as weird as it sounds, i’m okay with it. When i was younger, i used to think there was something wrong with me. She is my biological aunt, yet she wants NOTHING to do with my sister and I. As I got older, i remember telling Jeremy i was going to write her a letter. He didn’t really get why i would want to write her a letter, but i just felt that maybe if she knew who i was and the things i’ve done/gone through, then maybe she’d want to reach out and get to know me. A letter telling her how she missed out on getting to know a great person. I actually still have that letter. i just never sent it. I realized one day that some things are better off left unsaid. I, nor should anyone else, should have to explain their worth to another. If you find yourself reading this now and wondering if it’s too late, it’s not. Just know i won’t be the one reaching out.

I look at my niece Alli and just feel so strange. I just want her to stay that small forever. Where the world isn’t such a scary place and she won’t be sad unless it’s because shes hungry. Where she won’t be judged if she’d rather play softball than try out for cheer leading. Where the dark side of life isn’t shown. I can only hope Kai and Alli will know i will always have their backs, even if they’ve messed up. I can only imagine what it’ll be like whenever/if i decide to have kids. So much love for those little munchkins it’s so overwhelming. 

I’m gonna go cry in a corner now… just kidding, maybe.

Thank you for reading, and i will see all of you soon ~

xx B