I’m writing this to the girl who doesn’t feel like she’s enough. I’m writing this to the girl who continuously gives her all, only to end up hurt. I’m writing this to the girl that we’ve all been.
I’m writing this for you.
To the girl crying alone in the bathroom who inspired this, you are not alone. There were many girls before you crying in this restroom. I’m almost positive there will be girls after you who think that no one in the world feels the way you do. You’re probably thinking to yourself that they don’t understand that he’s your best friend. They don’t understand he can be a really nice guy, when he wants to be. They don’t understand that even though he’s cheated on you, he still loves you. They don’t understand that he wouldn’t call you names if you were quiet. They don’t understand him like you do.
What we do understand though, is that you deserve more.
I’ve been there. I’ve been the girl in the bathroom, just like you, who didn’t think that i was going to get through the day. I see how hurt you are and how all you want are answers. You just want a simple answer as to why you can’t make this work. Sometimes things just don’t pan out how we want them to. i know that is the last thing you want to hear. But you need to hear it. You both love each other, right? You think to yourself “i just don’t know where it all went wrong.” The hard part is, you may never really know the answer. I’ve learned that the hard way. You’ll sit there over analyzing every text conversation you’ve shared or look at all the pictures on your phone thinking “we were happy, right?”
I titled this “Fools Gold” because it’s a song by one of my favorite bands, Fitz and the Tantrums. Basically, the song is about how you think something seems so precious, like gold, only to find out it’s not what it seems. Maybe the thing you are trying to hold onto is shiny, but it’s also shit. There, I said it. Sometimes you can’t see that until you’re pulling out of the persons driveway for the last time or screaming how much you hate each other at the top of your lungs in the middle of the street. Even then you might not see it, but one day, you will. I think it’s hard to be so giving and loving, and be in love with someone who is a taker. You see there are your “givers”, the people who will be there on the drop of a dime. The people you know will be there to pick you up and give you all the love and support that you need. Then, there are the “takers”. These people take and take and never return the love and respect you dish out. You see the problem here? I know, it’s extremely difficult for someone to see the negatives while in the situation, but one day it just happens. You see the person for who they really are. They just might be a shitty person.
I know you come to me to find some type of comfort in knowing that what you are feeling is completely normal. Yes, I do think the way you feel is entirely normal. The hard part ahead is when you have to remember you. You have to set aside the love you have for that person, because they have done it so many times to you. You have so much love inside you. You should be with someone who is willing to appreciate all of that. You should be with someone who will appreciate the beautiful and smart girl you are. I won’t lie and say it is easy, because moving on isn’t. I still struggle daily with things that i thought would last forever. But they didn’t. I want you to know though, you will always have a shoulder to cry on. I want you to know that one day, someone is going to look at you like you put the stars in the sky. I want you to know that someone will look at you the way you looked at him. Eventually, you will see the good in goodbye.
One day, you will look back at all this and say to yourself, wow this is what the universe was trying to lead me to all along. For right now, it hurts. Let it. Let it hurt and cry it out. Do not hold anything in, because it will only eat you alive. What’s meant to be, will be. But please, don’t sit and wonder if he’ll ever change. He probably has, and the person you loved no longer exist anymore. It hurts my heart to write that just as much as yours when you read it. Let him go on his path, because yours is so much brighter and is filled with so much love, it’s intoxicating. It’ll take time, but you’ll find your groove. I know I did. Remember that the next time he thinks it’s okay to go behind your back and text other girls or turn something around and suddenly it’s all your fault. People will show you who they really are, so pay attention.
I hope you read this and know you are worth it. I hope you know you have friends that love you. I hope you know that your family only gets hard on you because they know you deserve better. I write this with so much love that you will understand one day that the struggle only makes the outcome that much better.
You deserve the world baby girl. Remember that.
Hugs to you.
Side note: I’m not entirely sure if there is a full moon near or what, but lately, i’ve seen way too many of my girlfriends cry. Each time, I sit there and wonder, “what could this guy not see in her?” She’s smart, she’s beautiful, the whole nine yards. I understand that situations don’t always work out in our favor. What I will never understand is the false hope that someone gives to another. The hope that there’s a fighting chance. The hope that if you sit back and quietly let them live their lives, you’ll be right there where they left you. The hope that every “i still love you” is sincere. I truly believe that is one of the sickest things you can do to any individual. I want to personally meet the person that told you it was okay to treat people that way. Have some compassion and let her go so someone can give her the world. Don’t let her sit and cry to help boost your ego. Truthfully, you don’t deserve her. You don’t deserve her love, her loyalty, or future. I sit there and wonder how you can look at something so wonderful and treat it so horribly. When you do those awful acts, it is a reflection who you are as a person.
For once in your life, think about someone other than yourself.