Ah, open letters. They really leave the space wide open of what you have to say. A wise man once told me, “write what you know or feel, and you’d be surprised by how many people feel the same way.”
With that being said, i’m writing this letter to you.
The guy who set my world on fire with love, only to watch it burn out.
To you, I want to say thank you.
Now i know what you’re thinking, “wow seriously, thank you is probably the last thing you should be saying to them.” It has taken me months after “us” to finally start to realize that you letting me go was the best thing. I remember that day like it was yesterday, but i’d rather not. I remember the day i met you, that smile will always be one of my favorites. I remember hanging out and knowing that at some capacity you would change my life.I remember our first road trip to Gulf Shores, AL and how we blared “Tiny dancer” by Elton John. I felt like that would last forever. Forever came too soon.
I want to say thank you for believing in me on days i couldn’t believe in myself. You pushing me to pursue my dreams, whether that meant you were a part of them or not. I always knew that at some point life would have other plans for us, but that didn’t change the way i loved you. Your constant craving for the world made me want to see and do everything with you. I felt at one point we could have just that, the world. The dream of you being a famous musician and myself, a famous writer, seemed at arms reach. Thank you for reminding me that i really am capable of doing great things, with or without you.
I want to say thank you for loving me for who i am. Nobody’s perfect, that is one thing i know for sure. I remember the healthy alternatives to all my favorite foods for dinner. I remember you making fun of me because i didn’t like a certain vegetable or my constant craving for sweet tea. i was raised in the south and you understood. I was never the skinniest or the prettiest, but you reminded me that what was in my heart was far more important than any of that. Growing up, i always felt i wasn’t good enough. I was always the girl that everyone loved but not the girl everyone wanted. You changed that. You helped me see that i was enough. Although i may have been too much for you, i thank you for loving me for me.
I want to thank you for the adventures we shared. The places we went hold so much love and adventure that time will never be able to erase. I say to those who are in relationships now to travel with your significant other, it really shows you who they are as a human-being. I always think of the quote that says: “Do not fall in love with people like me.
I will take you to museums, and parks, and monuments, and kiss you in every beautiful place, so that you can never go back to them without tasting me like blood in your mouth.
I will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible. And when I leave you will finally understand, why storms are named after people.” That is the best way to explain it. Between taking you to your first rock show at the Social, to our final show in New York three years later; the music will live on, as will our memories.
Finally, I want to say thank you for letting me go. Four months ago, i was this distraught girl who just didn’t understand. i was so confused and everything i did reminded me of you. My friends and family had to see me cry every time i would say your name or a stupid song you’d sing came on my spotify. The words “its not you, its me” didn’t make sense to me. In my eyes, you were perfectly imperfect. Until one night, someone said to me, “you have to think of it this way…what has happened is a reflection of him, not a reflection of you.” At first, i didn’t understand what that meant. As time passed, I finally understood. You broke my heart and replaced me, and you know what, that is okay. It’s okay because i deserve someone who isn’t going to criticize me for taking a million photos of what we are doing. They will understand that i’ve lost many people in life and photos, in my opinion, are everlasting. It’s okay because i’ll meet someone one day who will not get mad at me when i can’t pick a restaurant. They’ll understand that i really don’t care as long as there’s sweet tea. It’s okay because although you probably still love me, you’ll always love yourself more. Truth hurts, huh?
So thank you for letting me go. I will always cherish the love we had, but it’s time now for me to love myself again. I hope you grow. I hope who you’ve replaced me with realizes she has some big shoes to fill. I hope you’re happy wherever you are. Lastly, I hope whenever you hear Taylor Swift’s “style”, you smile and think of me.
You ignited a spark of lightning back in me, the one that i thought i had lost.
For that, i thank you.
Best Wishes, B.
photo: New York City, New York. June, 2016.